My shadow is a Monday.

I am so tired today, I can barely think.
I began the day bravely enough: crawling out of bed a little late at 8 am (with like, four hours of sleep), popping some Excedrin Migraine (I needed instantaneous caffeine), and taking a brisk shower. I drank a big coffee at work, conquered a lot of the projects waiting on my desk, and overall, felt pretty smiley and great.
But at 2 pm, I crashed hard. When I’m really tired, I begin to feel inexplicably sad. At least I’m not cranky, I guess. Anyway, then I read an article about dolphins committing mass suicide in Cornwall, UK. You can read it here. I must warn you: it’s a tearjerker. I have always considered dolphins to be somewhat magical and far too optimistic for desperate actions like mass suicide.
Despite my current crybaby sleepy state, I actually a really great time last night…well worth the pain today. For one, I had a really delicious vegan meal in an awesome backyard (kiddie pool included). I met some cool new people. Best of all, I spent time with one of my favorite people in the world. Now I’m wishing that I had magical powers that allowed me to manipulate time and geography so we could hang out everyday. Or at least every weekend.

I have this tendency to believe that difficult situations can always be resolved by unlikely means.
When I started high school, I was only 4′ 8″. I was too small for adult clothes, so my mom still took me shopping in the children’s department. Although I would disagree with this now, I considered shirts emblazoned with unicorns and hearts to be too babyish. And most little girls’ clothes are pink, which has always been one of my least favorite colors. So I was pretty miserable about the prospect of another year filled with my classmates ridiculing my wardrobe.
I decided to take action. My goal was to reach a respectable height of 5′ 3″. I drank ridiculous amounts of milk. I did weird stretching exercises (mostly invented by me). Some of them were reasonable and probably not harmful. But one involved me tying my feet (using a pair of green knee socks) to the footrail on my big brass bed and then wrapping my hands around the headboard. This was already a pretty decent stretch. But then–and this is the part that will make you wince–I would have one of my friends–or sometimes my brother–jump on top of me so my body would be pushed down and stretched out even more. I can’t even describe the amount of physical pain involved in this maneuver. I got through it by truly believing that “no pain, no gain” was an absolute truth.
In the end, I grew 8 inches in 3 months. No joke. I’m sure that it was just a coincidence and my elaborate stretching/torture technique had no bearing on my growth. Probably I was just finally going through puberty. But I was convinced that my sheer will and crazy schemes had caused the miraculous increase in height.
It is this sort of thinking (I can solve any problem and produce amazing results with a wild/possibly harmful plan) that has gotten me into weird situations over the years. I have found myself involved in complex long distance relationships, maintaining friendships with ultimately dangerous individuals, and dating really hopeless fellows. I am magical…I can fix anything! Or something like that.
So anyway, maybe if I concentrate really hard tonight, I can figure out a way to see everyone I love and appreciate more often, while still having my awesome job and spending quality time with my cats. And you know, writing a book and planning snazzy outfits, too. It might involve a time machine, a private jet, and a get-rich-quick scheme.

And then, when I’m done with that, I’m going to devise a plan for providing obviously necessary mental health care to depressed/at-risk dolphins.

As a side note, I’m fairly certain that dolphins really just want to wear top hats and bowties.

P.S. The photo at the top is from the Lavender Diamond (my favorite band of the week) video for “Open Your Heart.”


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